Yep...its been awhile. A long while.

Quick catch up....I spent a month in California visiting the guy I am dating, and it was marvelous paired with some difficult things. It was so nice to get to spend some consecutive days together, to work together, to get stressed together, and to spend time with his family. Good thing--I like him more....bad thing--he's still 2,763 miles away. Ehh....I knew this going into a long distance relationship--its not going to be easy. Then again, what is easy in this life? Not a whole lot. All I know is that God is good, His plan for my life is better than what I desire, and that I need to trust Him in this. So, basically, deal with it.

So, since I've been back I have been running around doing about 6 million things. I've started a new painting that is larger than I have worked in the last while. I've gone on a few road trips to visit people and spend some much-needed time with friends and family. I've met about 5 times with the other art teachers to plan for a class we're all co-teaching called "Art as a Foreign Language" (Which I am getting more and more excited about). We've also met to try to re-structure our curriculum so that there's some flow to the measure we're trying to do. I think I've stayed at my apartment a total of a week in the past month. Craziness, craziness.

School is coming (ground trembles). I am getting more and more excited...also more and more unexcited that summer is almost at a close. Really, after this weekend at my grandparent's....its over. Sigh. Life moves on.

God has been doing some very interesting things this summer. I am hearing Him in a different way, and He's been showing me things in a manner that either I have not recognized before, or have not experienced before to this extent. There's also been some healing, gained discernment, and visibility of His grace and my place in that.

It has been a great summer.

I'm alive.

I made it.

My first year of teaching is just about over. Today was my last day with students. I'm so ready for today to be here, and it is. Thank you, Jesus. really. I am just about completely burnt and worn to the edge. Its break time.

Some things were confirmed this week in regards to impressions and how I've read situations. I am working in the midst of a huge battlefield, and besides the spiritual implications of that statement, there are others. There had been battles going on between members of the team I work with at school for the last 5 years, and it had gotten really, really ugly. One person left, who represented one side of the fight, then guess who is the replacement? Yep, me. I walked straight into the crossfire without knowing what was going on. At first I thought that maybe it wasn't as big as I was sensing it to be, and that I was just feeling all these emotions because I was making it up in my head, but nope...it was and is real. I don't want to be a part of this battle.

I've been praying and processing a lot of this junk in the past few days because we had a run-in/meeting/tyrade of the "oppsing side" on Wednesday, and we all got blown in the face pretty hard. Maybe I am being called to be a component of a peace-making attempt in this situation. I've been thinking it for a few months, then my principal approached me yesterday saying basically that. Yeah... Lord, move.

So, its over for now. time to process, and to think, and heal, and get excited for another round next year. I am going to be teaching ART I and III next year instead of ART 2.  Yesssssssssssss.

What a year. What a whirl-wind. God really opened some doors, and slammed some others. One of my greatest surprises was the use of the KGP book. Yeah, I know. I seriously thought that I would never have to use one of those again after last year.  But, this semester, 2nd week into things, I walk into my class, and see a girl (in the middle of art class) with a KGP book out, and sharing it with the girl across from her. I started laughing out loud, thinking, "Lord, are you serious?.... Have your way." It was mixed emotions...then it turns out that it was only the beginning. Now God provided an opportunity to lead a Bible study with that girl and 2 others...and now, 4-5 weeks later, we're going through how to share the Gospel with others. And God is moving and providing opportunities. Natural discipleship...what an incredible experience. "Riedel...can you meet with ________ and me to go through this book? I want to watch." Are you serious? HAAAAAAAAAA. Heck, yes. They're so young, so hungry...running hard after Jesus with where they are. They're soaking up everything I say, which is humbling and scary because my words aren't exactly eloquent. Good thing its not about me. Lord, keep it that way. One of the girls wears a Jesus shirt everyday. They talk about Him constantly, and all the time. They come in my room in the morning and ask me how me and Jesus are doing. They are pursuing Him, and giving me an awesome challenge, which I feel clueless about most of the time. I really, really needed this.

I am blown away by the Lord's provision.

I've also been thinking about last year compaired to this year...

What I want my life to be about: Glorifying God, experiencing Him, and making Him known to others.

Desires and how I'm wired: I am a people person. I love to be around people, and to relate with them. God uses me in the relationships that are formed, and things flow naturally out of this. I want to be in art. It is wrapped so tightly around who I am and how I'm designed, separating it is like trying to separate water into Hydrogen and oxygen...difficult.

I don't know if teaching in a public school is where I want to be, but then again, I want to follow, not just do whatever I think is right for me.

People I interacted closely with this year:        about 165

People I interacted closely with last year:       maybe about 90

Opportunities to share the Gospel this year:   5

Opportunities to share the Gospel last year: 40+

Looking at the yield on this.....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. But is it even about numbers? I don't want to discount being a missionary in a public school because there's red tape. If there were no Christians in the public school....what a dark and scary place it would be. Kids need guidance, love and direction toward the Lord....but it is so hard to talk about it in school. Not impossible. I guess I can't just analyze it.....I just need to listen, follow and obey what God is telling me to do, and right now, He's saying to stay here another year.

Lead me.

I have been on a train for the past 2 weeks. I think it has been going about 60 mph. I have been staring out the window and trying to look at each tree that goes by.

I think the train just stopped. My head is still spinning. My mind is full of details and blurs, and I think something has changed.

When I think of my future, I desire to be different. I want things to change. There are goals that I have, people I want to meet, places I want to go, and new things I want to be challenged by. I want things to change, and I have plans in mind that I want to remain flexible according to God's plan fo me. Yet, when things change, or I see them changing, I want to cry. What is it about change that is so hard? Is it the lack of comfort and safety? The presence of new and unknown things? I don't know, but I DO know that change is inevitable, and I am in the midst of one....I just don't know what it is yet.

Sometimes I feel as though I can sense something coming...almost a tremor before the earthquake. Its somewhere between my stomach and my mind, and it feels like a slight burning....an awareness. Maybe this is the preparation warning to brace myself for what is to come.

I feel homesick, yet there is no where that I could go that would quench this desire.

I was dead. You became my Life.

I couldn't see. You became my eyes.

There's nothing like waking up, waking up to You.

Me

100 physical = 100 mental :: 100 emotional = 100 social                (healthy)

If you take from one....the other has to compensate............

40 physical = 150 mental :: 160 emotional = 50 social            (Wednesday)

30 physical =  50  mental ::  300 emotional =  20 social         (Friday)